Two years ago, I dropped out of high school. I got my heart broken and I just gave up. I finished 11th grade and convinced myself I could finish 5 credits on my own. The summer after I dropped out was hard. I was dealing with my first long-term relationship falling apart, severe and constant depression, and I wasn't sure what to do. I lost myself. Those 5 credits seemed insurmountable, and I never found the strength to finish them. I spent a year and a half after that screwing up. A lot. I refused to move forward in my life because I was afraid of being hurt again. I fought to the nail at the idea of finishing high school because I didn't want to be reminding that I gave up on something that was so important. I didn't know how to have a healthy relationship (friendship or otherwise) and I was subconsciously determined to screw up everything that came my way. I burned bridges with dear friends in an attempt to protect myself. I ran away a lot. To Maryland, Hawaii, I jumped couches, didn't stay in contact with people. I was scared and hurting. I was so terrified of being hurt or abandoned that I didn't show anybody (except my 2 closest friends) what was going on. I worked dead end jobs trying to support myself financially, but having only 11 years of school, nobody really wanted to hire me. I searched for affection and attention in undesirable places. The person who broke my heart, I let him continue to hurt me even though we weren't in contact. I let my thoughts of him consume me and I let it affect every aspect of my life, every decision I made. Seven months ago I decided it was time for my life to change. I looked for a healthy, committed relationship instead of the poisonous flings I had grown accustomed to. I started planning a future and looking for ways to achieve it. Then I met my husband who opened so many doors. A few weeks after we got married, I decided it was time to take the next step and finish high school. It didn't matter how. I was determined to finish. I started on that path by taking GED prep tests and talking with college advisors. I wanted to learn new talents. Make myself more rounded as a person. That opened doors to crocheting and more recently playing the ukulele. I re-discovered a passion I have had since I was a little girl: singing.
Tomorrow, April 22nd 2015, I have my 4th and final GED test. Even though it is my hardest subject, I am determined to pass with the highest score I personally can achieve. And I WILL walk in the May 7th graduation walk here in Kenai.
Friday, April 24th, I will take my ukulele and drive down to Veronicas Cafe and sing in their open mic night.
And in the first week of June my husband and I will pack up our puppy Kita, our few belongs, and we will make the trek down to Oregon. My life is drastically different compared to 2 years ago and I am eternally grateful that I fought through those times. I am thankful for the man that broke my heart because it taught me how strong I am. The year and a half that I beat myself up every day taught me that I can make it through some pretty rough stuff and find myself on the other end. I am scared and excited and nervous and happy for all of the many adventures ahead of me and my family. I am so glad I chose to keep fighting to achieve all of this. My husband, my puppy, our future family, and all of our dreams.
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