This past year has been a roller-coaster of emotion and experience.
From Janurary to April I was with a man who never loved me for who I am. I lived a life of fear, depression, and captivity. The whole time I disguised it as happiness, though looking back I would never wish those months on anybody.
April to July was pretty messy too. I moved up to Fairbanks to get a new start after my divorce from Gavin. I lived with my best friend for less than a month when her husband kicked me out due to different life views. After that I lived in my car. Everything I owned fit in that car and that was where I slept too. In that time I went 2 months without a cell phone. I wasn't going to church, I was sleeping around, and I wasn't eating much. But never once did I look back and think I should have stayed in my abusive marriage.
The beginning of July I started going back to church. My divorce finalized July 7th and the very next Sunday I was in the singles ward. Something had just clicked in me and I felt the need to figure my life out a bit. I stopped drinking, vaping, and smoking in an effort to better myself.
Near mid to late July I signed a 6 month lease for a dry cabin here in Fairbanks. The plan was to stay here for 6 months, work, become a better person, and then move home to wasilla. And on July 29th I felt like those plans had solidified. I took a pregnancy test and it came up positive. I was scared and had no idea what to do. All I knew was that I wanted to be home with my mom.
In August I moved into my dry cabin. It felt nice to have a home. I started to work on myself even more. Started reading my scriptures, praying, and going to church a little more regularly. I still had a far way to go, but I was making steps in the right direction. Late August my (then) boyfriend Dustin moved into the dry cabin with me. I immediately knew he was the one I wanted to spend the rest of eternity with. We were building a family and a home in our tiny cabin. We were learning about the gospel together and and making strides in our own personal growth.
From August to November Dustin and I grew closer. My belly started to grow. We began to dream of our future together. And on November 14th I married my best friend.
Now here we are at the end of December. In 14 weeks we will be welcoming a tiny, pure, and precious little girl into this world. This past year has been terrifying. I spent a lot of it crying, feeling lost, and making mistakes. But on the other hand, much of this year has taught me who I am in an eternal aspect. I am closer to God than I ever have been before. I'm not afraid of the future anymore. I have my soul mate by my side as we conquer our trials as a team. This life doesn't feel as lonely anymore. I'm going to be a mom very soon. And the man I get to take on that adventure with is more than just a man. He is my partner, my best friend, and my rock. 2016 is going to be my best year yet. I cannot wait for the adventures to come.
